My Green Velvet Dress - Understanding the Hidden Sensory Roots of After‑School Meltdowns

As a clinical creative arts therapist, I witness the struggles so many families face with after‑school meltdowns. They can feel confusing, exhausting, and at times heartbreaking. I also know this experience not only professionally - but personally.

When I was a child, my parents did not have the information we have now. My “behaviours” were seen by others as naughtiness, tantrums, and something requiring discipline. There was no shared language for sensory overwhelm, nervous systems, or neurodiversity.

One of my earliest and most vivid memories is of my green velvet dress.

It was a dress my mum had spent hours lovingly sewing for me - a special gift, one to treasure. But that dress was my worst nightmare (sorry mum!).

There was something about the stiff, inflexible velvet that restricted my movement, especially around my arms. The seams scratched my skin and caused pain and anxiety every time I moved, and the elastic around the wrists dug into my skin. Perhaps as a solution - or simply because it was winter - I was given a long‑sleeved woolen thermal to wear underneath. My mum loved it because it had a pretty lace detail around the neck. The itchy fabric clung to my skin and made me feel claustrophobic. The lace… let’s not even go there. The sleeves would slide up under the elasticated velvet, creating a bulky lump at my elbows that I couldn’t reach.

Of course, it was too cold for bare legs, so stockings were added. Stockings that would slowly ride down to my knees, rub together making strange noises as I walked, the nylon material feeling like it was suffocating the life out of my skin. The solution to the stockings? Long ankle socks with frilly lace around the edge. The problem? They fell down. One sock would sit lower than the other, creating yet another layer of discomfort and frustration... and again... the lace. It was my "special occasion" dress, so I got to enjoy it every Sunday for church and even for my birthday party!

These seemingly small things would build… and build… until one final trigger - small to others but enormous to me - would tip me over the edge, sending me into a full‑blown meltdown.

When I reflected on this with my mum recently, she told me she never truly knew what was going on for me. She was doing her best with the knowledge she had. But she did remember one thing clearly: the only thing that ever helped was putting me on her knee and hugging me tightly. As a therapist who specialises in working with neurodivergent children and young people, this makes complete sense. My nervous system had been overwhelmed with sensory information. What I needed was deep pressure, safety, and the loving assurance of my mum’s presence - a signal to my body that I was safe, and that everything was going to be okay.

It’s okay - Mum and I can laugh about it now. What I hold onto most is the love stitched into every seam. And I know that if the understanding we have now had existed then, she would have had more ways to support my overwhelmed nervous system in the moments I needed it most. Over my lifetime, I’ve gradually made sense of my sensory needs. I haven’t always been able to articulate them to others, but I’ve learned to find supports and strategies that work for me.

And then I became a parent...

As a mother myself, I now realise that my daughter has sensory sensitivities that I wasn’t aware of when she was younger. Supermarket outings were my absolute worst nightmare - and almost always resulted in full meltdowns.

Everyone had advice!

“Feed her before you arrive - she must be hungry.”

“Go just after her nap so she isn’t tired.”

“Get one of the little trolleys for her to push.”

Nothing worked.

Despite all the strategies, negotiating, consequences and bribery, the moment we walked through the one‑way supermarket bars - the ones you couldn’t escape from - a meltdown would unfold.

One day in particular stands out. It was so intense that the supermarket manager tried to help by offering “treats” while I desperately dragged my screaming child through the aisles in search of an exit. By the time we reached the checkout, multiple people had approached me offering help. A kind older woman gave me a look of pure sympathy, and I burst into tears. I told my husband he was now officially in charge of grocery shopping.

I regret that I didn’t have the knowledge then that I have now. Looking back, there were so many signs I missed.

My daughter hated crowds and preferred quiet, peaceful spaces. She loved fresh air, nature, organised and tidy environments with soothing colour palettes. She sought warm cuddles, soft fluffy fabrics, animals, and gentle connection. The supermarket, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. It was noisy - voices, footsteps, trolleys banging, checkout beeps, echoes in a large open space. It was visually cluttered with colour and movement. The fluorescent lighting was harsh. The concrete floors were cold. It was sensory overload.

Her sensory needs are different from mine - because we are all unique - but for many neurodivergent people, sensory processing is a particularly challenging area.

The good news? With knowledge comes power.

Understanding your own sensory needs, or your child’s sensory triggers and preferences, can be the key to transforming moments of frustration and despair into moments of connection and calm.

What is sensory processing?

Sensory processing is the way our body and nervous system receive, interpret, and respond to sensory information from both inside us and the world around us. Every day, our brain is taking in enormous amounts of information - sights, sounds, smells, textures, movement, internal sensations - and deciding what to pay attention to and what to filter out. For many neurodivergent children, this process works differently. Some sensations may feel intensified, overwhelming, or even painful, while others may barely register at all.

After a full day of “holding it together” at school - managing expectations, navigating social interactions, tolerating sensory input - a child’s nervous system can simply run out of capacity. This is why after‑school meltdowns are so common.

A meltdown is not a choice. It is not manipulation or defiance. It is a stress response - a nervous system asking for safety, regulation, and support.

The sensory systems

When we talk about sensory processing, we’re not just talking about the five senses. There are eight key sensory systems, all of which can influence emotional regulation and behaviour.

• Touch (tactile): clothing, seams, textures, temperature, physical contact

• Sound (auditory): background noise, echoes, voices, sudden or constant sounds

• Sight (visual): lighting, colour, movement, clutter, visual complexity

• Smell (olfactory): perfumes, food smells, cleaning products, environments

• Taste (gustatory): flavours, textures, temperatures of food

• Body awareness (proprioception): deep pressure, joint input, tight hugs, heavy work

• Movement and balance (vestibular): spinning, rocking, swinging, stillness

• Internal sensations (interoception): hunger, thirst, tiredness, emotional awareness

  
  

Each child has a unique sensory profile. What is soothing for one child may be overwhelming for another. And environments matter - schools, shops, and busy public spaces are often loud, bright, cluttered, and fast‑paced. By the time a child arrives home, their nervous system may finally feel safe enough to release everything it has been holding in.

From behaviour to communication

When we understand sensory processing, we can shift from asking: “How do I stop this behaviour?” to: “What is my child’s nervous system communicating right now?”

With understanding comes compassion. With compassion comes connection. And with connection, regulation becomes possible.

How I can support you

I created The Art Therapist to support families in and beyond the therapy room - offering practical, accessible tools that can be used at home, at school, and in everyday life.

Through the shop, I have curated a collection of trusted, planet‑friendly sensory supports designed to help turn afternoon meltdowns into moments of quiet and calm. The shop is always evolving, with some exciting new products arriving soon.

I am also developing a fun, interactive sensory guide to help you map your child’s unique sensory preferences and triggers - so you can better understand exactly what supports their nervous system and target the strategies that truly meet their needs.

If you would like to be notified when this guide becomes available, I invite you to subscribe below.

You are not failing.

Your child is not broken.

Their nervous system is communicating.

And you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

(Just please don't make them wear a green velvet dress!)

x Rebecca

Registered Clinical Creative Arts Therapist